The New Normal…
The New Normal… I could finally see him, this little boy who had such a rough start in this crazy world. Who knew trips to the NICU, days, nights, weeks would be the new normal for us.
Not being able to hold this miracle baby or just touch him thru the glass window while he was getting warmed under the lights was hard. This is not what I expected, seeing him struggling to breathe, feeding tubes, cloth over his eyes while he received light treatment for jaundice.
As a mom, no matter what age your kids are l, you always want to hold, smell and snuggle them as often as you can. This baby was a miracle to us in every way. The years of infertility, constant letdowns of IVF treatments not working, and now, just hours old and having to face new battles.
You do a lot of soul searching when you feel the lowest of low; you are always asking yourself, “Why”?, “How come”?, “What did I do to deserve this”?.
When I finally got to hold him for a brief moment, I forgot all the guilt I was carrying and felt complete joy, love and I knew this little boy was going to be my precious gift from above.
My husband and older son had finally arrived for their first visit and the joy on my oldest son’s face was just pure love. He did happy to see this little boy he also had prayed for.
While dad and my number one son got to hold him, it set in with me that was going home tomorrow and this baby was not coming with me.
The doctors came in later that evening to explain all of the battles he was facing. I didn’t hear anything but “he will be home for a few months”.
My heart sank, my heart broke, I was sick to my stomach. Who knew the next few months would be the new normal for us.
All of my time would be spent at the NICU. The New Normal…