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All Babies are Babies even Babies with Special Needs.

All Babies are Babies even Babies with Special Needs

All Babies are Babies even Babies with Special Needs.

When expecting a baby; being pregnant, anticipating an adoption or a surrogate, all of us experience bouts of anxiety. Will the baby be OK, will I be a good parent, will the delivery be easy, and can I handle this. SHOULD I BE DOING THIS?

All Babies are Babies even Babies with Special Needs.

All Babies are Babies even Babies with Special Needs.

We can all borrow trouble, bringing us down and robbing us of the awesome experience of becoming a parent. It’s amazing to hold that baby in your arms, to kiss him/her for the first time. The amount of love you feel is something you had no idea you could feel. Once this happens all of your worries start to seep away. All that matters is the love you have for this baby.

All Babies are Babies even Babies with Special Needs. They all need to have nutrition, sleep and to grow. Regardless of whatever issues may have presented itself either in prenatal testing or upon birth. Some of the issues may be serious, scary and sad. But all babies need to eat, nap and grow.

A good care provider, great support and positive vibes is so important regardless of the journey the baby may be facing. Sure, there may be different protocols, different methods and variations to a routine, but that’s the fact with everyone. All babies with the same diagnosis have differences; all babies who don’t appear to have any issues have variations to the norm. It’s a basic plan that has to be adjusted to fit the individual needs to the specific child.

Moms of 2-3 kids can attest that what worked like a charm for baby #1 didn’t work at all with subsequent children.

All Babies are Babies even Babies with Special Needs.

All Babies are Babies even Babies with Special Needs.

Letting go of what you can’t control is a tough concept. Placing blame or pinpointing why can consume parents of babies with special needs. Being positive, happy and strong can be impossible at first. It will come. Certainly there is the initial disappointment, anger and sadness. Once the grieving period has passed parents then focus on what is positive. A group of happy energetic supporters is essential in the quest for contentment.

We’ve all read stories from parents with babies with issues. There is so much hype on the struggles, the therapies and the worry about their future. Society may pity the family; they may feel sorry that the child may not walk, hear, see or go to the local preschool, may not every be an athlete and be able to be mainstreamed.

Seems that the focus is on the negative aspects with the dialogue being on family disruption and stress. The trend seems to be overstating the negatives and overlooking the positives. Sure, there will be challenges but new studies have shown that with good support, families can be as vibrant and happy as families without disabled children.

Many parents, in fact, feel their families have been blessed because of their special child. They say they’re closer and have become more compassionate, and understanding of those with lesser abilities. They learn to be more tolerant, now have the opportunity to teach their other children the importance of being sympathetic, flexible, and selfless.

Ever hear a parent say that their special needs child is a gift? How that baby that needs therapy is the best thing that happened to their family? There’s a reason for this.

All Babies are Babies even Babies with Special Needs. They come in all different shapes and sizes and abilities. Each being an incredible gift.

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Choosing a surrogate | What you need to know!

Choosing a surrogate? What you need to know!

My friend Linda couldn’t wait to be a mom. Her whole life she has dreamed of a house full of children. Even as a little girl she was always the mommy when playing house with her friends and would diaper and even breastfeed her baby dolls. She was the youngest of 5 and the only girl. She nurtured all of her brothers and was a mom to them all, even though to some she was 10 years younger.

Being ambitious, she chose to go to medical school which put her plans for starting a family on hold for a bit. She did meet the man of her dreams in medical school and were married in July, the month they graduated. Linda and Neal immediately set out to start a family.

At 31 years old she was a tiny bit concerned she was starting a little late. A lot of her friends were already moms. She knew that 30 was even young these days to start a family, nevertheless, she was anxious to become pregnant.

Four years and 10 miscarriages later she turned to surrogacy. A gestational carrier was her first choice. A gestational carrier has no genetic relationship to the baby. The mom is the egg donor and the father is the sperm donor. The woman is carrying the child for the intended parents. Both she and her husband were healthy, although Linda’s uterus, as she puts it, was/is “angry”.

They chose a surrogate agency and after a short search found their surrogate, Lorraine, a lovely 29-year-old who had 2 children of her own. Their first meeting was perfect so they chose to move forward.

Obviously, a very different experience when preparing for a child and not be pregnant. In addition to all of the newborn preparation, there was a logistical, financial, legal, emotional and physical challenge they added to their plate.

They lived 300 miles from Lorraine, the gestational carrier. Even still, the couple made monthly visits to attend appointments and get to know Lorraine. This was an easy enough drive for Linda and Neal, and it did not really impact their budget. The cost was significant enough to even venture into this agreement.

Choosing a surrogate

Choosing a surrogate

Choosing a surrogate? What you need to know!

The total cost is approximately $150,000.00. It varies from state to state but the basic breakdown is:

Agency fee: $20,000 – $25,000

Gestational surrogate fee: $25,000 to $35,000, higher if it is a multiple pregnancy.

Health insurance: $10,000 to $35,000 special policy coverage for the surrogate

Non-medical expenses for the surrogate: $10,000 to $15,000

Legal fees: $10,000 – $20,000

Counseling: $5,000- $8000 requirement for most agencies

IVF: Up to $20,000 more expensive for a surrogate and not covered by Insurance.

The legal contract/agreement is extensive, and with this component comes a significant amount of worry and concern for both parties. The list of “what if’s” is lengthy, however, many are comforted by the positive experiences shared by successful couples.

One positive is that the new mom can hit the ground running once the baby is born. With no physical set backs or recuperation time, new moms are stronger and have less of a need for sleep, however, the emotional pain of not experiencing the birth, feeling the first kick and the battle wounds of delivery is devastating to some.

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