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Choosing a surrogate | What you need to know!

Choosing a surrogate? What you need to know!

My friend Linda couldn’t wait to be a mom. Her whole life she has dreamed of a house full of children. Even as a little girl she was always the mommy when playing house with her friends and would diaper and even breastfeed her baby dolls. She was the youngest of 5 and the only girl. She nurtured all of her brothers and was a mom to them all, even though to some she was 10 years younger.

Being ambitious, she chose to go to medical school which put her plans for starting a family on hold for a bit. She did meet the man of her dreams in medical school and were married in July, the month they graduated. Linda and Neal immediately set out to start a family.

At 31 years old she was a tiny bit concerned she was starting a little late. A lot of her friends were already moms. She knew that 30 was even young these days to start a family, nevertheless, she was anxious to become pregnant.

Four years and 10 miscarriages later she turned to surrogacy. A gestational carrier was her first choice. A gestational carrier has no genetic relationship to the baby. The mom is the egg donor and the father is the sperm donor. The woman is carrying the child for the intended parents. Both she and her husband were healthy, although Linda’s uterus, as she puts it, was/is “angry”.

They chose a surrogate agency and after a short search found their surrogate, Lorraine, a lovely 29-year-old who had 2 children of her own. Their first meeting was perfect so they chose to move forward.

Obviously, a very different experience when preparing for a child and not be pregnant. In addition to all of the newborn preparation, there was a logistical, financial, legal, emotional and physical challenge they added to their plate.

They lived 300 miles from Lorraine, the gestational carrier. Even still, the couple made monthly visits to attend appointments and get to know Lorraine. This was an easy enough drive for Linda and Neal, and it did not really impact their budget. The cost was significant enough to even venture into this agreement.

Choosing a surrogate

Choosing a surrogate

Choosing a surrogate? What you need to know!

The total cost is approximately $150,000.00. It varies from state to state but the basic breakdown is:

Agency fee: $20,000 – $25,000

Gestational surrogate fee: $25,000 to $35,000, higher if it is a multiple pregnancy.

Health insurance: $10,000 to $35,000 special policy coverage for the surrogate

Non-medical expenses for the surrogate: $10,000 to $15,000

Legal fees: $10,000 – $20,000

Counseling: $5,000- $8000 requirement for most agencies

IVF: Up to $20,000 more expensive for a surrogate and not covered by Insurance.

The legal contract/agreement is extensive, and with this component comes a significant amount of worry and concern for both parties. The list of “what if’s” is lengthy, however, many are comforted by the positive experiences shared by successful couples.

One positive is that the new mom can hit the ground running once the baby is born. With no physical set backs or recuperation time, new moms are stronger and have less of a need for sleep, however, the emotional pain of not experiencing the birth, feeling the first kick and the battle wounds of delivery is devastating to some.

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Having a Baby in 1990 vs. Today

Having a Baby in 1990 vs. Today.

The Fashion-

1990- Maternity fashion was ugly, but totally OK. It was almost expected to wear huge billowy, flowery dresses and giant blowsy tops paired with black maternity stirrup pants. If the bump showed, it was too tight, moms had to find bigger clothes. Bathing suits were like dresses, also ugly. On the weekends we sported overalls and jumpsuits. Also very très chic.

Today pregnant moms look so fashionable. Lululemon clothes are a staple, stretchy tops and knit dresses outlining the baby bump is everywhere. Bikinis and bare bellies are on every beach and pool deck.

Having a baby in 1990 vs. today.

Having a baby in 1990 vs. today.

Information- Having a Baby in 1990 vs. Today.

1990- The 1984 book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting was on every coffee table of any pregnant woman in America with updated versions sold every year. A month to month guide on what the baby looked like, how mom should be feeling; new aches and pains and what was normal.

Today, internet blogs, Facebook groups and classes are how today’s modern mom learn every detail of what’s going on with them. There is a lot more information shared today than 20+ years ago.

Boy or Girl- Having a Baby in 1990 vs. Today.

1990- The only way to know the gender of the baby was if moms had an amniocentesis. Typically a bad AFP (Alfa-Fetoprotein Test) indicating either Downs Syndrome or spinal bifida would prompt many to risk the scary test for diagnostic proof, which would also indicate the sex of the baby.

Today non-invasive prenatal baby gender test on maternal blood can detect the Y-chromosome. So at 10 weeks gestation and for $300, parents can have the test done and in a week they know if it’s a boy or girl.

Bring on the layer cakes and balloons!

Boston Newborn Care Course for Parents

Boston Newborn Care Course for Parents

Maternity Leave – Having a Baby in 1990 vs. Today.

1990- Everyone would get a note from the Dr. about 2 weeks before the due date that orders moms to leave work within in a few days. That’s it!! Moms would just abruptly leave. Although, everyone would expect it and all male bosses would be relieved since they would be so uncomfortable around pregnant moms and their bellies. Moms would be put on short-term disability, not losing any of their vacation days, sick days or maternity leave; meanwhile they were home decorating the baby’s room and, albeit, lumbering around, but still having a leisurely vacation close to home.

Nowadays there are restrictions with insurance plans and more so the Family Medical Leave Act of 1993, (although was not implemented until 1998) FMLA was intended “to balance the demands of the workplace with the needs of families.” If eligible, employees could take up to 12 work weeks of unpaid leave during any 12-month period for pregnancy (among other things) and to care for a newborn child. So, no more unnecessary bogus doctors notes to leave for no reason.

Moms now work up until the day they deliver. NO more “free” days off. But, now dads get time off which didn’t exist before. Most dads just took vacation time.

Delivery- Having a Baby in 1990 vs. Today.

1990- Moms would be permitted to go up to 3 weeks beyond the due date. I did with one of my kids and I was home for 5 weeks on short term disability. Awesome for me! Moms would have to pay extra to have a private room on the maternity floor. Only 1 hospital had all private rooms in my area. Moms would give birth in one room then move to the maternity floor, usually a few floors down.

Today- 1 week late is the limit. At the 39-week visit at the doctor, the plans will be made for an induction or scheduled C- section. Now, all hospitals have private rooms. Most moms also deliver in the room they will stay in for the 3 days if vaginal delivery or 5 if Caesarian section.

Baby Pictures- Having a Baby in 1990 vs. Today.

Boston Newborn Care Frequently Asked Questions

Boston Newborn Care Frequently Asked Questions

1990- The maternity photos were hideous. It was a mug shot for the file at the hospital. The fluorescent lighting in a small room with a camera on the ceiling made for a great shot. Parents did get the option of buying it, which for the most part, they did and they were all so ugly. Babes were in a hospital undershirt wrapped in a hospital blanket, goop in their eyes looking unrelated to anyone in their family, (or anyone’s family.)

Today, photographers are waiting for those that choose to have a photo session of the baby. The use of softer lighting, cute baby outfits, natural positions that are scheduled make for much better pics. Some with parents, some solo, all are precious. Not to mention that the IPhone cameras are better than anything moms of yesteryear had in their to-go bags.

Call us for more Information (617) 299-0374.

Boston Newborn Care

Welcome to Boston Newborn Care a trusted name in childcare for families.
We offer placement service of Nannies, Night Nannies, Newborn Care Specialists, Au pair and Doulas.

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Having a Successful Boston Newborn Experience?

The upward trend in Boston Baby Nurses, Newborn Care Specialists and Infant Overnight Care in Boston is due to success of the parents.

Lets face it; we have a city of really successful parents. Smart, talented and dedicated people who surround themselves with smart talented and dedicated help.

It’s not by accident that couples move to Boston. In Beacon Hill, Back Bay, South End, Southie and the Seaport you will find like-minded, smart, folks who work hard, and have nice things.

They worked hard at school, are dedicated to their job, their trade, their skill. They put in the time to be a success. Long hours, missed vacations and long weekends at work so they are where they are; they earned their spot as the impressive head of the department, top sales person or savvy entrepreneur.

This didn’t happen overnight. Today most women are ready to have a baby after sometimes up to 10 years after they graduate from college.

Having a successful Boston Newborn experiences?

Having a successful Boston Newborn experiences?

The average age of first time moms in 2000 was 24 years old. Today’s moms are still in school or seeking a career until they are closer to 30. Medical professionals are in their early 30s before they can even consider having a baby.

Not only are first time moms older, but also so is the support system around them.

I am the 3rd born in my family and my mom was 24 when she had me.

I was 25 when my first son was born. At the time my mother was 49 years old and my dad was 50. They were my support system. My dad brought me to Dr’s appointments and my mom put the nursery together, she was my Florence Nightingale, my Mary Poppins and came to support me in the middle of the night.

Today, many first time moms are in their 30’s and 40’s. Having grandparents as support, be it in the early days of chaos or when moms go back to work, just doesn’t seem to be the best option.

Not to mention the fact that many in the Boston area are not from here originally. So grandparents are not next door anymore. Hiring help is the way of the world now.

Don’t get me wrong, grandparents are still very much part of the mix. They come to stay for a few days and definitely help all day. They just do not do the overnight shift. They go to bed at 9 P.M. I usually have a nice chat with them at

6 A.M. when they get up to let the new mom get some more sleep.

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