Baby

Baby is coming

Baby is coming!!! Best news I heard all day, they are waiting for us in the delivery room.

This was it, weeks leading up to this point I have been flooded with emotions, nervousness and anticipation of how he would make his grand entrance. My perfect delivery plan was not going to happen.

Thought okay, I am doing this without my husband, I needed our son to be healthy and in order to do that he needed out now. I immediately got prepped for a C-section. I could not be more excited and ready for someone to cut me open.

My husband must have gone through every red light, stop signs to make it there before he was born. I remember someone grabbing my hand while they were prepping me, saying I am here honey and everything will be okay.

Fast forward a few minutes, my sweet little boy was here.  First thoughts, oh god please make sure he is okay, then we thought he is so small. Weighted in at 4lbs, god was he breathtaking.

My husband and I got a quick peak then he was taken to the NICU. I spent hours in the recovery room waiting to see this little person that I had spent the last few weeks of hours talking to, signing to, crying and begging him to stay in there longer so he could grew every day.

It was time we could see him. The first image of him with tubes, wires in what we called his little condo was heart breaking. I wanted to hold him, kiss him but all we could do was hold his hand

  • Shortly after I was sent back to my room I sent my husband home to be with our oldest son. Then the emotional sadness set in of feeling my body betrayed me, how could this happen, what complications will he have. My head, my heart was overwhelmed.
  • This was excessively much for me to process. Then this overwhelming feeling of I don’t even know how to explain it, sickness, sadness, pressure to be strong because everyone would be watching me expecting me to be so fragile. Who knew this feeling would be how I felt everyday for the next three months.
  • Following day, slept for maybe three hours I wanted to get down to the NICU ASAP to see this miracle child but I wasn’t able to go by myself. Now I have to wait for others to be free for me to see my baby, perfect one more thing to push me over the edge. The free time I spent waiting to be wheeled downstairs a horrible feeling of realizing I will be leaving tomorrow without my baby.
  • This was something I never thought about; again, this was not my delivery plan. I had only seen or heard of this on Lifetime Movie network this couldn’t be happening to me. I remember crying in my wheelchair at the elevator when the nurse finally came to bring me to see our baby.

First sight, first touch Speechless…

To be continued…..

 

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